


you've got stars

by cherrymaraschino



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Lowercase, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2020-10-21 15:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20696156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrymaraschino/pseuds/cherrymaraschino
Summary: it's been five years and hangyul still wants yohan to kiss him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello there !! this is my first time posting something on here and here's to hoping it doesn't flop.... . .. .
> 
> i should say that english isn't my first language and that i'm not used to writing in it; hopefully there aren't too many mistakes...
> 
> let's say that this first chapter is just an intro, just for me to test the waters and see how this goes; there aren't nearly enough works with this particular combination of boys so i'm excited to deliver !!
> 
> hope you enjoy :з

hangyul’s first childhood memory is of yohan.  
it’s as clear as day even now; he was probably about four or five, sitting on the bench in the changing rooms of his taekwondo club, apple juice box in hand, sipping the remains of his drink so obnoxiously loud that his father has to tell him off. yohan was across the room, standing there, twiddling his thumbs. his mom was crouched in front of him, fixing the collar of his dobok, also telling him off. the memory ends there but there were many more.

they were always sparring partners, almost every single time without fail and hangyul, even at the tender age of five, knew that making an enemy out of someone who knows where to kick you and how to pin you down with scarily precise accuracy wouldn’t be a good idea. thankfully, yohan was genuinely a great kid and hangyul really didn’t have to pretend to be his best friend. hangyul didn’t have many friends. he wasn’t bullied or excluded or anything, no, he was liked well enough, but he did tend to keep to himself. with yohan, however, keeping to yourself wasn’t an option: he was the giggliest, loudest, funniest, most outgoing little gremlin. it was a fun synergy, one that their parents used to point out and make fun of relentlessly: a small, playful yohan constantly pulling a taller, stoic, reluctant hangyul by his sleeve off for little adventures every hour of every day. 

“hey, you okay?” 

hangyul immediately swerves off memory lane back into reality and is faced with seungyoun across from him at the dining table, chewing his cereal, concern knotting his eyebrows together.

“yeah,” hangyul croaks awkwardly, quickly hiding behind his cup of coffee, “just thinking.”

“about?” there’s a suspicion in seungyoun’s eyes and hangyul is once again reminded of the fact that his boyfriend is borderline psychic; he feels people on an almost intimate level and that’s part of what drew hangyul to him in the first place. seungyoun didn’t pry about hangyul’s baggage, he just took some of it without question willingly, carefully and right then and there hangyul decided that this is the man he’s going to spend the rest of his life with. seungyoun is tender and understanding, he _cares_ genuinely, enough to know whether hangyul needs space or a cuddle. he showed up right hangyul needed him most, freshman year was difficult. heartbreak still fresh, ankle not completely healed and enter seungyoun: an artist, sensitive and sensible, mature beyond his years and absolutely batshit crazy; the perfect guy, really. perhaps hangyul rushed with his confession, perhaps the notion of true love forever was naïve, but he loves seungyoun, he really does. and that makes things all the more difficult and terrifying on days when all hangyul can think of are yohan’s smiling eyes. 

he hasn’t actually seen yohan for five years, ever since he left to pursue his athletic career, leaving hangyul alone with his shattered ankle and no dreams or aspirations of his own. they were going to train overseas together, the best dynamic duo anyone would have ever seen, they were going to make it into the world championships, they were going to win everything they could and come back national heroes, but hangyul wasn’t careful enough, didn’t look where he was going. the injury was not so serious, but healing had to take time. there’s no taking time in athletics however, especially not at sixteen years old. hangyul’s last memory of yohan is holding him tightly at the airport, his mom next to him holding onto his crutches. 

“please do well,” he had told him, clapping yohan on the back, “for the both of us,” hangyul didn’t want to let him go, not so much because he wanted to do taekwondo together, in fact he’d break every bone in his legs and never get to do taekwondo again if that meant yohan would stay.

“bet,” yohan laughed with a wheeze, “you’re choking me.” 

hangyul had to let him go.  
they spoke almost every day from then on, but time zones were complicated and yohan was getting increasingly busier. only a year would pass before the only way hangyul could check up on yohan was through news headlines and match broadcasts. as for yohan, he probably didn’t care. he was the nation’s hero, korea’s pride and it’s about time hangyul got over it, but on especially lonely evenings hangyul would find himself surfing through channels and subconsciously stopping on taekwondo matches, checking if there were any korean athletes participating. seungyoun never commented on it, perhaps thinking that hangyul is just reminiscing about the good old days. he wouldn’t exactly be wrong, although the truth is that hangyul, at this point, really couldn’t give a shit about taekwondo. the yohan he saw on screen was always detached from the yohan in his memory; the yohan he was friends with was a smiley, gangly boy, who had issues with controlling his strength. athlete kim yohan, representing korea, never ever cracked a smile. hangyul had trouble putting the two together, but point blank — it was yohan and hangyul absolutely needed to see him. which made it all the more concerning, when one morning a headline caught his eye: “taekwondo athlete kim yohan quits for good.” 

several weeks later at work hangyul finds himself reading a painfully familiar name on a cup, scratched on with marker, a name that is pinging around in his head like a pinball, that is burning with guilt in his throat. he puts the lid on with shaking hands and it feels as though it took him a quarter of his life to do so, all five years of him rubbing creams into the skin on his ankle, watching taekwondo on tv. it must be a coincidence; please, let it not be him (_please, let it be him_) please, let it just be someone with the same name, a cruel prank of the powers that be (_please_) not him, anyone but him (_please, i want it to be him_) 

it’s him. 

in the five years hangyul hadn’t seen him close up, yohan had really changed a lot; now almost half a head taller than hangyul (they’d always stand back to back as kids, hopelessly trying to work out whether yohan was catching up; he wasn’t), there are faint little red spots, shaving nicks on his square jaw, eyes wise, too tired for someone only slightly over twenty, but he only has to look at hangyul once before his lips stretch into a smile so familiar and dear, that hangyul’s heart begins to hurt. he asks him to wait fifteen minutes before his shift is over. 

hangyul almost wants to laugh from how awkward yohan’s hug is. he used to pin hangyul down underneath him with zero hesitation, used to put his head on his shoulder during long car trips from one competition to another, and used to hold him so tightly when he was down. but now yohan is shy for some reason: he lowers his eyes and doesn’t know where to put his hands, awkwardly patting hangyul’s shoulder, while hangyul is swallowing down a memory of looking at yohan’s lips back then at the airport that last time they saw each other and wanting nothing more than for yohan to kiss him. 

yohan doesn’t go into details about how he’s been and doesn’t really need to — hangyul has been obsessively looking his name up for weeks now.  


“mom suggested i try and apply to college,” yohan makes too big of a sip of his hot ginger tea and makes a funny face, “so here i am. what about you, how have you been?”

hangyul, not without a sigh, tells him about school, his dad’s health, his three jobs and a little bit about seungyoun, just mentions him in passing. if yohan notices the lovebites on hangyul’s collarbones before hangyul remembers to button his shirt up a little higher, he tactfully does not remark, just nods and smiles. hangyul, however, is feeling a little bit nauseous, because it’s been five years, he has his boyfriend's lovebites on his skin, and _still_ wants yohan to kiss him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so i decided to make three chapters instead of two bc that just.... seemed like the right thing to do idk lmao  


the first time hangyul met seungyoun he was drunk, godlessly. in fact, hangyul doesn’t even remember the first time he met seungyoun; seungyoun had told him that they were both at this one party, that hangyul had drunk himself into a near stupor and kept going on about capitalism and other political systems but hangyul honestly doesn’t remember. as far as he’s concerned, the first time he met seungyoun was in a philosophy of arts class that seungyoun, a grad student, was teaching. tall, ridiculously handsome, dressed like a faceless pinterest inspiration model, floppy black hair slicked back, so passionate about philosophy and art, the two things hangyul really couldn’t care any less about, and with a smile so sweet and genuine that hangyul felt himself spiraling immediately. he, having lost all self-preservation instincts and reason, flirted relentlessly, obnoxiously and seungyoun, all things considered, was a surprisingly good sport about it. 

“i’m flattered but you can’t do this, i’m your professor,” he laughed as class was ending and everyone was packing up. he was leaning on his desk, arms crossed, looking like something out of a young adult novel and smiled right at hangyul and hangyul’s heart did a little flip flop for the first time in years. in an unnecessary rush of adrenaline he whipped his laptop back open, logged into his student center, looked seungyoun dead in the eye, said: 

“not anymore,” and dropped the class. 

seungyoun was and is everything hangyul never could be: unbelievably extroverted, outgoing, popular, knew everyone everywhere and is an absolute sucker for parties. he shared an apartment with five of his friends, all artists, musicians or otherwise very creative individuals. their walls were covered in paintings, posters, they owned about four record players between the five of them and there was an honest to god liquor cabinet in their kitchen. there was almost never a moment of silence in that house and hangyul didn’t feel like he belonged, although he did like seungyoun’s friends well enough, despite them occasionally making fun of seungyoun for dating a freshman, his almost-student no less. it was all in jest though, they were a good bunch; hangyul didn’t have any friends of his own yet after all. 

in all honesty, hangyul wasn’t prepared for this relationship to last as long as it did; they’re too different, almost completely opposite, hangyul is too shut off where seungyoun is open and willing to share. there were bound to be misunderstandings, like in every single previous relationship hangyul has had, and he was prepared for it but seungyoun allowed none of it. 

“why aren’t you ever mad at me?” hangyul was a little bit drunk again, stressed after a failed quiz, his head in seungyoun’s lap, hair being played with. he was so used to partners getting angry at him and his emotional constipation, that seungyoun’s determined, almost stubborn, patience was confusing to him. it felt almost as though hangyul could say something incredibly mean to him (not that he ever would) and his boyfriend would just smile patiently and pat his head. 

“why would i ever be?” seungyoun laughed; hangyul wished he never stopped laughing ever. 

“because i’m a mess and i’m annoying,” hangyul mumbled, “i never talk to you, i bottle everything up, you don’t deserve that.” 

“things like that take time. you’ll eventually open, i believe that,” seungyoun’s voice was calming, gentle, loving and hangyul felt another pang of guilt in his chest; he didn’t deserve him, “i won’t ever get mad at you, no matter how long it takes.” 

“but you take care of me, you give me everything and i give you shit-all…” 

“don’t be stupid,” seungyoun scooped hangyul, all 160 pounds of former athlete of him, up off of his lap into a suffocating hug, “you give more than enough. yeah, you’re shit at talking about your feelings, but you make me breakfast almost every morning, like who the fuck does that? so yeah, i know you love me, don’t worry.” 

hangyul tried (and ultimately failed) to maneuver himself away from a wet loud smooch that seungyoun intended to land on his cheek, grunting and flailing like a cat that didn’t want to be picked up, prompting seungyoun to let out another hearty laugh. hangyul definitely never wanted seungyoun to ever stop laughing. 

but now seungyoun isn’t laughing though.  
he’s looking at hangyul as though he’s intending to bore a hole through him.

“you have to tell me what’s going on.” 

hangyul’s thoughts are running a thousand miles per second.

“what’s going on?” he asks awkwardly and just by the way seungyoun’s eyes narrow he can tell that his lying skills haven’t gotten any better. 

“you tell me,” seungyoun sits in front of him at the dining table, not quite caging him in, but not allowing an easy escape nonetheless; this is going to be excruciating, “i didn’t want to push, but you aren’t yourself, you’re spacing out, you seem like you’re not just reluctant, but scared to talk to me and i don’t like that.” 

hangyul isn’t scared, truth be told, he’s fucking _terrified_ and seemingly for no damn reason. he feels as though he’s a man in his forties who had cheated on his wife and let down his kids, but he’s absolutely none of that, he absolutely didn’t cheat but his mind is making things up and he can’t filter them before they take over, it’s all happening too fast and it’s not like he’s just gonna stop hanging out with yohan, that’d be such a dick move, but he can’t control his thoughts and he feels like a dirty cheating liar for no reason, and maybe this is going to be the last straw when seungyoun finally loses his patience and leaves him, but hangyul really really doesn’t want that to happen, and— 

“take a breath and look at me, gyul, please,” seungyoun takes his hand and hangyul just wishes he’d get mad at him so he wouldn’t have to talk about this. what’s so bad about talking about this anyway? what is “this” anyway? damned if hangyul knows, “whatever it is that’s going on in your head right now, tell me about it.” 

fuck seungyoun and his minor in psychology. hangyul takes a deep breath as suggested and plucks up whatever courage he has left. 

“do you remember yohan?” 

“kim yohan? the kid you used to do taekwondo with?”

“yeah, he, uh… he quit sports and moved back home, he goes to our school now. i bumped into him the other day.” 

seungyoun’s concerned face is slowly lighting up with a smile and hangyul wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 

“that’s great though!” seungyoun looks genuinely happy for him, “why didn’t you tell me before, gyul, that’s amazing!”

_i didn’t tell you because i’ve been in love with him since we were sixteen and i’m apparently still not over that whole mess,_ hangyul almost says but bites his tongue, although that’s exactly what he should say and sort out. he’s terrified though, of the consequences he can’t even begin to imagine. 

“you’ve gotta introduce us!” seungyoun suggests enthusiastically and hangyul smiles through the pain and, for some reason, just agrees.

yohan and seungyoun hit it off immediately because of course they would, they’re like two peas in a pod, hangyul really should have seen it coming. he also, apparently, has a type. they’re in seungyoun’s living room, chatting away, pinging off each other like two college dropouts in an improv class, laughing and exchanging stories and hangyul would have been enjoying this if not for the rampant anxiety this whole ordeal is causing him. this is ridiculous, this is so stupid, this shouldn’t be an issue and yet it is. these are two people hangyul is wildly in love with and it’s one person too many, he can’t deal with it, he just can’t, especially not when one of them loves him back and the other can never ever _ever_ find out about this. 

“there was nothing for me but taekwondo, you know, like that was my whole entire life, i had literally no other hobbies, gyulie can vouch for that,” yohan smiles, downing the rest of his beer, glancing at hangyul. 

“oh- oh yeah, no other hobbies at all, he didn’t even know how to play mario kart,” hangyul forces a smile too, after realizing he should probably occasionally join the discussion. 

“i still kinda don’t,” mumbles yohan bashfully and seungyoun straight up gasps, or makes some other dramatically pained noise rather. 

“unacceptable!” he unceremoniously grabs yohan’s hand and pulls him towards the couch, plopping him down and turning the tv on and that’s when hangyul starts spiraling again. 

hangyul starts spiraling, because yohan had never looked at him the way he is looking at seungyoun right now. yohan used to look like that at the girls he liked in school and the moment hangyul realizes this is the moment he needs to start counting his breaths. this is stupid, this is so so stupid, it’s stupid and unreasonable but seungyoun is showing yohan how to hold the damn controller and yohan’s hands are in his, and hangyul suddenly wants for this whole thing to stop. they don’t notice him leave to the balcony to take a few breaths, they don’t acknowledge him as he’s putting their empty takeaway boxes and beer cans in the trash or as he sits down in an armchair across from them, they don’t even look at him. not like hangyul is going to even try and say anything; he lets them exchange numbers, lets yohan hug them both goodbye and bottles it all up. seungyoun doesn’t deserve him being like this. somewhere in the back of his mind hangyul knows that he’s being completely unfair and absolutely unreasonable, but that part of his mind is weak and quiet and afraid of confrontation just like he is, so he doesn’t talk about it, not with seungyoun, not with yohan and doesn’t intend to.

yohan is his best friend again and it’s like hangyul is twelve again; they study together and go out to watch movies, they sit on benches in empty parks at night and talk about what could have been and how it’s okay that it didn’t happen. yohan puts his head on hangyul’s shoulder and hangyul feels and comforting warmth surround him. when yohan leaves to go home the warmth inside hangyul turns into scorching shame. he wants this but more and better and it’s wrong on so many levels and if yohan had never left and hangyul never got to meet and fall for seungyoun this would have been so much easier. hangyul finds it increasingly more difficult to hold his tongue, especially when he sees yohan and seungyoun get on as well as they do; jealous because he wants them both. he can’t have them both though, that’s not how it works so he’s going to keep it right in the middle of his chest, let it brew and hurt him and maybe, just maybe it will be fine eventually.  
he does one night imagine seungyoun leaving him for yohan for some reason and that’s when all his dams break and it isn’t fine. 

“i’m in love with yohan.” 

seungyoun is laying next to him in bed and doesn’t even look away from his phone. 

“yeah, he’s fun,” he scoffs, not unkindly. hangyul’s heart starts pounding. 

“no, i’m serious. i love him,” seungyoun looks at him finally, confused and expectant of hangyul to explain, putting his phone away, “i, uh…” he gulps, suddenly parched, “i think i first started to like him when we were, like, fifteen? and then it grew but he left almost immediately after that and then i met you and kind of forgot? and then he came back and i don’t think i’m over it, oh my god, please, please don’t hate me, what am i even saying, i—”

“okay, okay,” seungyoun gently stops him but doesn’t hold his hand, or hug him, or anything that he normally does when hangyul is anxious and that’s enough for hangyul to decide that he had fucked up royally, “so… i don’t really get what you’re trying to tell me here… do you, like… are you trying to break up?” he suggests carefully and hangyul genuinely almost cries. 

“oh god no, no no no, that’s the last thing i want, i just— i _love_ you, you know that, right? i promise i love you—”

“and you love him too?” 

hangyul takes a pause.  
“i— i think i do, god, i know it’s stupid,” and starts rambling again, “i don’t now why i’m like this, this is so dumb—” 

“no no, you’re okay, i understand,” seungyoun's tone suddenly shifts completely and he finally pulls hangyul into a hug and all of the cogs in hangyul's head come to a screeching stop because what the fuck. 

“you 'understand'?.. seungyoun, _i_ don’t understand, how come you do?” hangyul, caught up in his emotions, genuinely gets a little bit angry and seungyoun laughs at him quietly, offering massive relief. 

“you’re thinking too much about this, it’s not that big of a deal. not between us at least.”

“isn’t it though?..” 

“no, it isn’t. shit happens. we'll work it out.” 

“seungyoun, i’ve been on the verge of tears for weeks now and your only comment on this is that 'shit happens'?”

“okay, no, listen to me, i’m not finished,” seungyoun nudges him in the knee slightly, “i mean it, it does happen, people sometimes have feelings for multiple people at once and you’ve been beating yourself up about things that are kinda normal and— oh my god, wait, weeks?" he holds hangyul tighter as he's slightly startled by the realization, "have you been stressing out over this shit for weeks?!”

“since yohan came back, yeah…” 

“you didn’t talk to me. why do you never talk to me?” 

“i don’t know…” hangyul mumbles into seungyoun’s neck as seungyoun sighs and cards his fingers through his hair, “i was just worried i wouldn’t be able to explain it, or that you wouldn’t understand but of course you did…” 

“of course i did,” seungyoun presses a kiss to hangyul’s forehead. maybe they will be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rushed this, i'm not going to lie... there's a lot of timeskips and exposition, yikes...   
with what happened in the past month it's been kind of difficult to come back to this, but i wanted to finish it still. this isn't up to par with what i wanted it to be, but i did my best and hopefully this still gives you some (luke)warm fuzzy feelings~ i miss my boys and hope they're all doing well ;;
> 
> p.s. cj and swing stinky
> 
> p.p.s. i'll proofread this at a later time so please forgive the mistakes ;;;;;

they’re like home, hangyul thinks, both yohan and seungyoun. yohan is the childhood home he had to leave but feels incredibly warm and comforted coming back to and seungyoun is the home he made for himself. truth of the matter, though, is that this is too much real estate for hangyul to handle. it wasn’t supposed to be this way, he was supposed to be traveling and competing around the world with yohan _or_ buying houseplants and adopting a puppy with seungyoun, not both, not neither. if hangyul believed in fate, then it had played a very cruel prank on him, the consequences of which he now has to deal with. 

seungyoun makes it easier though, he’s understanding and patient as always and he promised he will help sort this out. how, hangyul doesn’t really know, but he’ll be damned if he trusts anyone more than he trusts seungyoun. seungyoun knows how to deal with these things, he’s had relationships, awfully difficult ones at that, not to mention his psychology degree (to which hangyul maybe gives a bit too much credit). that day hangyul first met seungyoun was the day after seungyoun broke up with his ex. hangyul doesn’t know anything about them at seungyoun’s insistence; all he knows is that it was long-term, painful, barely resolved and that seungyoun wasn’t dealing with it all too well. they healed each other and as much as hangyul likes to insist that he doesn’t do anything in this relationship, he knows that he did his best to share seungyoun’s emotional baggage. his relationship with seungyoun wasn’t effortless at first. with yohan however? 

there isn’t even a relationship with yohan to speak of, yet the feelings are overwhelming. yohan had shared that he’d dated a few people but it never worked out because he had to travel constantly. hangyul would never admit to that, but somewhere in the back of his mind there’s a thought, a hope, that yohan would have reciprocated the feelings hangyul had, — still has, — for him, that maybe yohan likes him back and isn’t acting on his feelings because hangyul is taken. a selfish, vain thought, but hangyul will take anything that puts his mind at ease, even if it’s blind wishful thinking. 

seungyoun is irritatingly patient, hangyul thinks. he should have been broken up with right then and there but seungyoun held him close that night, petting his hair and, come morning, said that they’ll sort it out. hangyul wonders what’s on his mind; seungyoun doesn’t seem to be stressed or torn over this, at least not visibly, not like hangyul is. hangyul doesn’t pry — if his boyfriend said he’ll sort it out, then he’ll sort it out. 

“i think we should talk to him about this,” seungyoun announces one day, “both of us of us.” 

“sorry?” hangyul looks up from his homework. 

“you like him, don’t you?”

“well, i- yes?” 

“so do i,” seungyoun smiles, plopping on the couch next to his boyfriend, “maybe we can make it work, all three of us.”

hangyul heart begins to race. this isn’t the outcome he imagined and not the solution he thought seungyoun would come up with. it seems unrealistic at best and completely disastrous at worst. what if yohan doesn’t like either of them like that? what if the idea of being with both of them is preposterous to him? what if seungyoun doesn’t like yohan like that either and is just trying to make hangyul happy? what if hangyul is genuinely just being selfish? what if he drives them both off? despite all that, he wants it. he wants it so much, both of them: the security of being with seungyoun and the comfort of being with yohan. he doesn’t want to hide seungyoun’s love marks from yohan, wants to see them _on yohan_ as well. hangyul’s mind doesn’t get to go places because seungyoun suddenly hugs him very-very tightly. 

“please don’t be nervous,” he says quietly, gently, “we’ll be okay. i won’t let it go wrong.” 

“what if does though?”

“i am _not_ going to let that happen,” seungyoun sounds so determined, so confident and hangyul is this close to believing him, “yohan would never do anything to hurt you. you’re scared of losing him, but you won’t. i promise.” 

“what if i will?”

“please, no more what ifs, okay? we’re sorting this out. it’ll be okay.” 

they don’t get to sort it out before yohan asks them to hang out with him at a club he really took a liking to. seungyoun instructs hangyul not to worry, says that they’ll take as long as he wants, that they can just have fun. 

hangyul is dressed in one of seungyoun’s pretty printed button ups, sitting at a little booth, nursing his drink, watching seungyoun and yohan on the dancefloor. he didn’t want to dance, it’s all a bit much, he needs a drink before his running mind slows down, and so they went without him. he can’t really see them all that clearly, what with the strobing lights and with how the crowd keeps moving around, but there they are, smiling, dancing. hangyul wishes he wasn’t so nervous, but watching isn’t so bad either; they’re beautiful, both of them. the way yohan doesn’t really dance, but shuffles and rocks side to side to the rhythm, matching seungyoun’s movements, the way he laughs at something seungyoun said, throwing his head back, the way seungyoun’s hair is so shiny, wet with gel, catching the colorful lights, the way yohan’s arms are around his neck, and the way seungyoun’s are around yohan’s waist, and the way their lips touch, bodies close, hands grasping. hangyul stops breathing, his vision darkens for a second. it’s beautiful and he wants it, he wants it so _so_ bad, he wants this to be real, and to be regular, and he wants to kiss yohan too, he’s wanted to for years, and wants to kiss seungyoun and he almost moves towards the dancefloor before he sees yohan looking straight at him across the club, terror in his eyes. he’s then rushing towards hangyul, grabbing his jacket off the seat of their booth, mumbling a ‘sorry’ that hangyul can barely hear through the bass and disappearing in the crowd at the exit. it takes mere seconds, hangyul blinks once and he is gone. 

he feels a touch at his arm and whips around to find seungyoun behind him, eyes wide, hair disheveled, a sort of panicked flustered look painting his features. 

“why did you do that?” hangyul suddenly comes to his senses. this is wrong, this has all gone so terribly wrong. seungyoun promised he’d keep it under control and everything went wrong. 

“i- i don’t know, i just,” seungyoun stutters, shrugging, “i don’t know, it made sense?” 

“to just kiss him out of nowhere?!”

“i’m sorry! he was kissing me back, i thought… i thought you’d be okay with this?..” 

“oh god,” hangyul falls back onto his seat, boring his eyes into seungyoun, “i’m not jealous, you stupid bitch, this isn’t what i’m talking about!” 

for a split second seungyoun looks appalled at the name-calling, but bites his tongue and lowers his eyes. 

“i fucked up.” 

“don’t fucking do this to me, you said you had it under control, you said i wasn’t gonna lose him!” 

“let’s leave, we need air,” seungyoun grabs his hand almost painfully tight and pulls him towards the exit and outside. 

yohan is long gone, but hangyul wonders, sitting in the backseat of a taxi, if he’s gone home by taxi also or is he walking, is he thinking about what happened or would he prefer to forget? he feels seungyoun take his hand and hangyul silently squeezes it as reassurance. he feels less anxious now, and he really didn’t mean to get mad at him or yell at him, he just… it’s all a bit difficult isn’t it? seungyoun isn’t perfect, hangyul realized this once more as the cool air filled his lungs and he could no longer feel the alcoholic dizziness in his head while he waited for the car. seungyoun makes mistakes and, just like hangyul, he made the mistake of falling for yohan to the point where one’s head just doesn’t work. figures, story of his life. hangyul scoffs to himself. 

“what?” seungyoun asks quietly with so much uncertainty and guilt lacing the question, hangyul squeezes his hand tighter. 

“i _am_ a bit jealous, just so you know,” he smiles through just a little bit of pain, “i wanted to kiss him since i was sixteen, you — for how long? three months at best? i should have been the one to kiss him first, this isn’t fair at all.” 

seungyoun huffs through his nose. 

“thanks.”

“for what?” 

“for not getting mad at me.”

“i kind of am though?” hangyul laughs, “you really fucked up.” 

“i don’t know if you’ll trust me at this point, but we’ll fix this.” 

and hangyul believes it. 

what he doesn’t expect is to see yohan in front of seungyoun’s apartment building, yet there he is, hands in pockets, eyes darting from seungyoun to hangyul in what seems to be an anxiety hangyul is way too familiar with.

“i wanted to talk,” yohan says, after clearing his throat awkwardly. 

“yeah,” seungyoun rushes to the door and opens it for the rest, “yeah, of course, come on.” 

seungyoun is terrified and hangyul is honestly just as scared, but this isn’t the time to rely on anyone else, hangyul decides, they’re doing this now and together, they have to fix this. the elevator ride is excruciating, filled with so much tension, hangyul just wants it gone, nervousness slowly but surely replaced with impatience. once they’re in the apartment, seungyoun beelines straight to the liquor cabinet, picks up a bottle and gulps straight from it. as yohan carefully sits on the couch, seungyoun speaks first.

“before we talk about anything,” he takes a quick breath, “i wanted to apologize, yohan, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to startle you…” 

“oh!” yohan shakes his head, “no, it’s… that’s okay, i didn’t mind, i just… i thought you might have?..” he looks as hangyul, confused slightly, probably as to why he isn’t mad with him. 

here we go, hangyul thinks and decides that it’s best to just get it over with. fuck it. really, fuck it. 

“i didn’t mind. to be honest i- i _really_ didn’t mind?” hangyul sees the bewilderment on yohan’s face, shuts his eyes for a moment, takes a deep breath, “what happened tonight was a massive misunderstanding but… it doesn’t have to be? i mean, maybe we can make it work?” 

hangyul can see that yohan isn’t understanding and once again feels like he’d rather the ground swallowed him whole, but seungyoun passes him the bottle of whiskey and sits down in front of yohan. 

“we like you, is what he’s trying to say,” seungyoun doesn’t give any pauses, speaks plainly and calmly and hangyul is put at ease and launched into massive anxiety simultaneously, “and we’d like for you date us both. it’s… unconventional, but there’s no compromise.” 

“i’ve been in love with you since high school,” hangyul suddenly finds it in himself to say, “and i never fell out of love with you.” 

“i like you too, yohanie,” seungyoun adds quietly, “i really do. and if you’re willing, we’ll do our best to make it work with three.”

yohan just sits there for a bit, his face entirely unreadable; hangyul starts counting seconds. 

“i— i’m going to need to think about this…” 

for the next few days yohan completely disappears from their lives and hangyul barely talks to seungyoun. not out of resentment (a little subconscious part of him is prepared to pin the blame though) but out of sheer stress. it’s not like seungyoun is completely fine, hangyul understands that, but if yohan doesn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore or worse — come back with a response at all, hangyul wonders if he’ll be able to forgive seungyoun for breaking the promise of everything being fine. he loves seungyoun so he probably will, but he loves yohan and he won’t bear losing him. so what is he supposed to do? he’s overthinking again, he knows this in the back of his mind: this wasn’t a casual proposition and yohan is allowed to take as much time as he needs to but four days is almost too long and hangyul is back on his spiral. he’s reading homework page after page without absorbing any information, he eats only when seungyoun reminds him and falls asleep on the couch with his laptop in his lap for three consecutive nights. he’s thinking about all this, going down down down his favorite spiral when the doorbell buzzes and yohan is on his doorstep. 

“i’ve thought about it,” he says as soon as his shoes are off, they don’t even get to walk into the living room.

“oh,” is all hangyul can muster. seungyoun isn’t home. this is going to be a disaster. 

yohan, however, smiles, a little bit shy. 

“yeah, i’ve thought about it and i think i’d like to stay,” he looks at hangyul with sparkling eyes and hangyul’s lungs tighten, his head spins and his heart is in his throat, “for seungyounie’s cooking mostly but… i’d also like for you to kiss me, please.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed !! please consider saying hello on [twt](https://twitter.com/99yunho)
> 
> feedback and kudos would be very appreciated !!


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